paralysis? whatever, not so bad as to die young

Days in Wondershare

worked here inevitability more than one and a half year, graduated here officially more than one year, lived here lonely more than half a year. what’s going on the time?the truth is, the god command it anyhow.

sub-health, insomnia, depression or yadayada, never believe those theories until you meet every one gradually and pathetically. and the worst of the bad is the deterioration of my choice phobia disorder continuously. then the worst of the worst is the g0d-damn’d sleep paralysis as my daymare and nightmare as well as the destructiveness of the disorder itself to me. the evil sleep made me incredibly feel despair to the world. so should i believe the godfather to repent, or is that karma i deserve indeed?

i like tomorrow for nobody knows whether the god will change his mind to end the game. but jesus we know, for the hope i have to wait for it today always. ahaaa, a bad paradox. when i’m suffering the unconsciousness in sleep paralysis, theoretically my consciousness is awake and racing extremely over the ultimate universe in my mind like a mad formula one car. that is, i have enough intelligence to find that my mind is active in dream, as unfortunately there’s no way back. in order to get out of the chaos, the ego here will crazily do something to wake up the body there, from taking self-abuse to committing suicide. don’t worry about me, no more than a dream. perhaps it’s a little complicated to know the actual principle in that ridiculous situation. however, i swear, there’s no big differences with any other paralyses as we can see. it’s a fighting and war in the borderline of the dream and reality. sometimes i trust mr freud like a poem, not every paradox is a game, as your brain burns in the midnight.

rave at august 19, 2008

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